Reading De Beauvoir

The Second Sex by De Beauvoir is a really interesting and thought-provoking book and I think everyone should read it.

I've been reading it for Social Sciences 3. And it's made me realize some things.

For one, the reason I had such an awful childhood is because I was raised in the tradition handed down from the time of woman as property, and thus I had to be trained to be a good wife for my future husband. I needed to be polite, tidy, organized, agreeable, and, well, feminine.

I wanted to climb trees and wrassle dogs, adventure through swamps and forests and valued (still do) being honest with people over being polite, because honesty means more in the end. I was a tomboy. I was a slob. Still am, really. I hate wearing skirts and dresses, jewelry is rare (and must be symbolic if I'm going to choose and wear it), I'd break my ankle if I wore heels, and just generally I wasn't going to live my life catering to other people's expectations. If I was expected to marry and be a good wife, I'd be a rowdy old maid, and that was that.

I've grown into myself and mellowed out a bit, but reading De Beauvoir has made me realize that in growing up and breaking free of the mindset of what I ought to do, I've totally broken myself (mostly) free of the trapping of the patriarchy. Which is awesome. I hate the patriarchy. (I'm sure it'd be just as awful if it were a matriarchy. I'm not a feminist. I'm not a radical. I'm just a humanist.)

And it's made me think about my future. It's up to me to be alert and make sure I don't perpetuate the traditions in my culture which come from the idea of woman as property.

So of course that makes me think about marriage.

And then I have to finally acknowledge something I've known all my life:

If I ever get married, I'm not changing my name. I refuse to be defined as "the wife of so-and-so." The thoughts and feelings aren't very well put into words at the moment, so you'll have to forgive me if this is rough and hard to comprehend, but. . . gah! I am not anyone's property. People are not property. We should not perpetuate legal or social institutions which reek of anyone belonging to or being defined by anyone else. No one is solely Object. Everyone is Subject to themselves. That's how it is, darnit.

It's late, past my bedtime, and I'm stumbling over words now. I think it's time to end this brainsplosion of ranty existentialist frustrations with the world.